Last night, we went to Meskerem with a group of friends and family – some who had never tried it. It seemed like all enjoyed it. One decided to write something in Facebook about how he was pleasantly surprised at how good it was – and I’m really thrilled he liked it. Some of his friends decided to comment, and I believe attempted humor. It wasn’t funny or cool. It was actually kind of sad and disturbing. Here you go:
Comment 1 - Did you swat the flies away or eat those, too?
Comment 2 - There’s a Starvin Marvin joke in there somewhere….?
Comment 3 - I’d be up for trying it, but I’d sneak in a fork or spoon. I don’t know… it’s tradition and all, but I think those kids over there would love to eat with utensils…they just aren’t given any so they HAVE to eat with their hands. 
Nothing like itching your eye after eating something spicy.
How would YOU feel if someone said that about where YOUR kids/future kids come from??
I don’t blame the guy for having friends who type without thinking. I have a few “friends” who have made stupid comments too.
I also like to think my sense of humor is no less warped and twisted than anyone else’s. I’m sure my and Adam’s attempts to learn more about the culture, language and food of Ethiopia have been pretty funny. I’m sure we will probably commit the occasional faux pas when we get over there to pick up our kids because of our lack of understanding, and that will also be pretty darn funny at our expense. I recently blogged about the Ethiopian government’s silly obsession with rubber stamps - but that dig was at the government, not it’s people or culture. You will laugh and make fun of us as we go through this (we’re certainly laughing and making fun of us), but you don’t laugh at the culture because it’s different, or you don’t understand it, or the people look different, etc. I think the one thing all people with xenophobia (that would be a fear of other cultures) have in common is lack of IQ points. Ok, that’s harsh – we’ve suffered finding out that things we have said out of ignorance were actually quite insulting – but at least we are willing to learn from our mistakes. We’ll at least try to educate ourselves. I guess it will never cease to amaze me the stupid unintelligent things people can say, regardless of the circumstances.
I’m sure none of them want to know the true meanings of their misunderstandings and insults. However, I know most people who regularly read here really do want to know so I’m going to address some of that here and share what I have learned.
Comment 1: “Did you swat the flies away or eat those, too?”. I think he was referring to all those commercials about the poor children in Africa – you see them sitting there, too malnourished to move, and there are flies all over.
Africa is made up of many, many countries, each with their own culture, language, alphabet, dominate religion, and… climate. Ethiopia is actually an arid land with lots of green and farms – their rainy season is so rainy, that the civil courts system closes from August to October each year – frustrating those waiting for their adoptions to be approved during that time. There’s not a lot of desert in Ethiopia. They also raise enough food to feel their people. Their biggest exports are coffee and beef. In the early 1980s, Ethiopia’s government was very repressive, they controlled the distribution of food, and said distribution was very inadequate. On top of that, there were also some massive droughts. That led to the problems that led to the “We Are The World” song, etc. Ethiopia is still considered a “developing nation” and while their government is much better, there are still serious problems. However, they don’t have those kinds of problems like they did in the 1980s regarding starvation.
Ironically, the largest open air market in all of Africa is in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.
Also, I’ve seen roaches in “American” restaurants. Gross!!
Comment 2: “There’s a Starvin Marvin joke in there somewhere….?”
I LOVE South Park!! Matt and Trey are geniuses. Ironic that was brought up, when the whole point of Starvin Marvin was to point out American’s xenophobia and lack of understanding and utter stupidity in grouping all Africans together into one culture, assuming all Africans are starving, and just people in general who are not distinctly American.
Comment 3: “I’d be up for trying it, but I’d sneak in a fork or spoon. I don’t know… it’s tradition and all, but I think those kids over there would love to eat with utensils…they just aren’t given any so they HAVE to eat with their hands. Nothing like itching your eye after eating something spicy.”
That cracked me up the most! Ok, a little history lesson – I know most of you don’t like history so I’ll keep it brief. Ethiopia is the ONLY country in Africa that was NEVER colonized by anyone. However, it was occupied for 4 years by Mussolini’s Italy during World War II. The only things Ethiopians gained from that time were a few additional roads and Italian food. Italian food is very common and popular there, and yes, they eat it with utensils, as they do with French, German, English, American, Indian etc. (ok, well, they eat Indian food with Naan too) as all that is available over there.
The bread Ethiopians eat with is called Injera. It’s a fermented flat bread made from Teff, which is a grain only found in Ethiopia. It has a tangy sour-dough like taste and is a nutritional powerhouse – it has more fiber and nutrients than the best whole grain bread. It also adds greatly to the flavor of the other food. They aren’t using the bread as their silverware because they are too primitive for silverware, or can’t afford it – that’s just how the food is best enjoyed – and it is pretty tasty that way.
So there you have it. If you think I’m overreacting, how would you feel if people, strangers or not, were making comments like that about where YOUR children come from? It’s just as bad as the racist comments. If you want to blow this off, then fine, but you are blowing off the culture your future nieces/nephews/cousins/grandchildren/godchildren/friends’ kids, etc. come from. That might not be important to you, but it is extremely important to us, and I would think important to those who truly support what we are doing.
August 24th, 2009 at 5:03 pm Go Felicia! People really don’t think before they speak sometimes. I guess that, until inappropriate comments happen to them or someone they care about, people will not really self-censor before posting. I was actually surprised that someone made those kinds of comments since my reaction is usually to be pretty impressed with people who go out and try new things. I don’t make fun of explorers; I celebrate them! And I don’t think that any of us will laugh at you guys as you adopt and raise your children. I already think it’s brave and wonderful of you to take this step to adopt any child from any where. You’ve both got super huge hearts!!!!! Love ya Baby!!! K : )
August 24th, 2009 at 6:17 pm I think you rock. I would be offended also, but understand that it will happen, and I think you’re doing great at showing people the truth. Did you comment on his blog with the above statements?
August 24th, 2009 at 6:58 pm You sound just like a mom hen should, protecting her little chicks. You guys are going to make great parents. I love how much you already know of their culture. Good for you! Thanks for teaching us too.
August 24th, 2009 at 9:37 pm
Thanks guys, I’m glad someone doesn’t think I’m overreacting. I don’t know them and they don’t know me. You think it would do any good to say something? In this instance, I don’t think so.
August 25th, 2009 at 8:36 am Felicia, excellent blog! You are going to make wonderful parents. I agree with everything you said here. I have had people make comments to me about adopting a child of a different race/culture and told them that it is up to the people adopting and what they want. I think what you and Adam are doing is wonderful, and I know your children will be well loved. On another note, we enjoyed dinner with you and loved the Ethiopian food, it was excellent! Love ya!
August 25th, 2009 at 4:26 pm Okay…if anyone knows me…I’m not good at keeping my mouth shut, especially on statements that are simply “dumb.” Felicia and I have a mutual friend who has a common phrase that I believe fits this situation perfect…you cant’ fix stupid. I take these comments not only as “stupid” but a clear showing of complete ignorance and distaste. From what I recall, the good ole US of A is a huge combination of culture from all walks of the Earth. I’m sure the idiot who wants to go and speak about children having flies on their food is probably the same idiot who finds it funny to watch a homeless man sit on a bench in the rain without a coat. Didn’t this “person’s” mother ever teach them if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all? Just wondering…so…before I stick my own foot in my mouth…Felicia and Adam’s kids definitely have a lot of people who will stand behind them and wont judge them just because of their culture…
August 31st, 2009 at 10:27 am Let me tell you from someone who’s child is stared out, made fun of, and the blunt of many jokes, all from ADULTS, that I have learned to ignore. I can not educated every stupid adult in the world that wants to poke fun at my precious little boy! I know that something inside those that are stupid, is broken and probably can not be fixed! But there are adults, complete strangers (like the cute guy from QT last Thursday) that say something so wonderful and meaningful that it helps make since of all the STUPID! I know that You guys are going to be great parents, and if you ever need help in “Fighting” STUPID, just ask, I have been doing it for over 8 years now.